Mean Lori

My bike-riding partner

For those who know me well, this may not come as a big shocker. For the rest, well, I pride myself on speaking the truth.

I’m not the nicest of people.

Really. I know that I often come off as Miss Shiny Happy, but the real story is much darker. Take my morning commute, for example. I can’t make it more than a few blocks in my Honda before a CLUELESS JERK cuts me off. Or some A**HOLE (sorry, I just can’t bring myself to leave it uncensored — my mom might be reading) tailgates me when I’m already going five miles over the FREAKIN’ speed limit.

Then there’s the IDIOT in Target the other day who rammed his cart into mine because he chose not to stop as he was exiting an aisle. During that same shopping trip, some BIMBO in line in front of me gabbed loudly on her cellphone so that I — and the rest of the world — could hear about her niece’s birthday party. As if I give a RAT’S ASS (OK…I let one slip).

I knew it was getting bad, though, when the hubby and I were bikin’ around Reeds Lake last night and two women looked right at us and proceeded to walk out into the road in front of me anyway. What was I thinking (because I never say these things out loud, of course…I’m a coward) as I maneuvered my bike around the one who initiated the move? STUPID SKINNY BIG-BUTTED RICH BE-YATCH. (I threw the “rich” in there because we were in East, of course.) Honestly. That’s the first thought that popped into my head. Terrible slurs are my response to annoying people.

So what do you think of me now?