From black to grey

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I want to thank everyone who left a comment on my last post. To be honest, I sometimes forget I have an audience here, and I just spout off whatever is on my mind. But it’s very gratifying to know that other people are listening and are willing to offer supportive words.

I think the last few days have been a combination of hormones and mounting stress. I tend to have stress even on normal, even-keel days. I guess, though, that there are some moments when it just tips the scales off balance. I realized that yesterday, as I was walking along Pearl St. with the traffic rushing by, on my way to a meeting. Tears were pricking my eyes and I felt so defeated. Then my cell phone rang. It was Scott. He and Devin were at the bookstore and he was calling to say hi. I could feel the pressure ease up just a bit. And that was enough, really.

This morning, I took Devin on a field trip to the Meijer Gardens where we picked an apple, watered the flowers and made butter (or something as close to butter as we could get). More of the feeling eased away as the sun broke from the grey, grey sky.

Our lives are in limbo for the moment. I’m not good with limbo. I’m sure Scott’s not that crazy about it either. Unemployment isn’t really something anyone desires. So we’re plugging away. I’m working more and we’re certainly in decent enough shape. I guess it was just time for me to have a small episode. I don’t know. I can’t explain where yesterday’s tears and frustration came from. Or how those feelings seem to have melted away today. I just know that I’m feeling lighter now. The bleakness, like that proverbial little black cloud, is passing.

2 thoughts on “From black to grey”

  1. I very much understand where you are at right now. With Ken working in the entertainment industry, we went through three layoffs in five years (typical – restructuring, buyouts, no projects) and it was so incredibly emotional every time.
    I think as women we often forget that being emotional does not give way to the labels such as fragile or unstable – only human.
    Tears, anger and frustration – when understood for what they are – offer up gratitude and warmth for those moments, like you had today, when everything seems to gel for a while.

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