Yes, the headline is true. One week.

But that’s only if you’re me and you’ve only made ice cream once before, years ago. And you make a mistake that seems entirely silly later on.

Let’s start with why I decided to make this particular ice cream. It goes back to my favorite store-bought ice cream. Which sadly no longer exists. I was very sad for a very long time. And then I had to get over it.

(Why, you ask, didn’t I just switch to another Starbucks ice cream flavor? This one was low-fat, people! And it tasted so creamy and delicious. How could it be low in fat? How? The others were full-fat blowhards. I just couldn’t do it.)

Back to this ice cream. The one I was so excited to make.

It started out nicely. Egg yolks. Aren’t they kind of cool looking all together like that in the bowl?

And then there’s this. (Obviously, this particular coffee ice cream isn’t low in fat. Ahem.)

I scalded it as the recipe said.

I mixed it in with the yolks and sugar and it got all frothy.

Then I got interrupted by the cat. That wasn’t the problem, though.

I returned the whole thing to the stove, as instructed, and stirred for 12-15 minutes. (Well, a little bit longer.)

Then I added the coffee, cooled it down and put it in the ice cream maker. That’s when things went downhill. It churned and churned and churned and churned and…

You get the picture. It was still liquid. No creamy anything. *le sigh*

To make myself feel better, I enjoyed a glass of wine with my friend Fiona.

And then I had a cup of coffee. The Escapist. Yum. From The Sparrows.

And then I watched Devin and Scott play carpetball.

These things took my mind off of my coffee-ice-cream sorrows.

My sadness was truly lifted when my co-workers heard my tale and began to query me about what I’d done. The ice cream maker was spinning, right? You added salt, right? You used cream, right?

Yes, yes, yes.

And then I innocently said, “I used skim milk. Do you think that was a problem?”

Um, yeah. It was indeed.