Been there, done that

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OK. I can now say that I’ve been to IKEA.

I can also say that it’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever go back.

I knew it was trouble when we drove into the parking lot and saw cars waiting impatiently for parking spots that didn’t exist. I was ready to high-tail it out of there, but Viv was just as calm and collected as could be. I’m never that in need of something that I have to wait for a parking space. Medication, maybe. But not housewares.

But we persevered and then trekked the many yards to get to the entrance. Where, once inside, we were swallowed into a sea of inhumanity. THERE WERE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!!

I’ve noticed lately that I’m not too fond of crowds. So this was not the ideal spot for me. Everywhere I looked, I saw another human being. Of every shape, size and age imaginable. Some crazy people actually had children with them. The horror! I was delighted that I hadn’t brought Devin. He was playing happily with Viv’s kids while her husband watched them. It can’t get any better than that.

For some reason, we continued onward, grabbing a cart and hitting the elevator. We were whooshed to the second floor where we had to maneuver our cart around more mobs of people just to find the aisle. I immediately spied the kids department, the one place I wanted to visit. So I was thrilled. But Viv was scolding me for not following the arrows. The arrows? There are arrows on the floor to direct traffic. For real. And I was somehow committing a great sin by bypassing those arrows. Screw it! I bypassed them happily.

I secured one item, for $5.99. A toybox for Devin’s room. Topped with a cheeky turtle. The rest? Ha! Who can even check out the merchandise? Every time I saw something interesting, my view was immediately blocked by another human being. Where had all of those humans come from? Who knew that Canton, Michigan, contained sooooo many humans?

So I was done. $5.99 is a bargain. One item is easy to carry. I wanted OUT! Viv, on the other hand, was back to lecturing me about the arrows. Somehow she bullied me into following the endless arrows around twists and turns and display shelving, as she commentated the entire way. “Look at that cuuute bunkbed!” “Oh, I love that book shelf!” “Isn’t that chair so great?”

This went on for what seemed like miles. Miles of wood and plastic and veneer and metal and corrugated cardboard. Until we finally came full circle and arrived at the elevators again. Down. Down to the check-out line. Well, not until we tramped around another floor of merchandise. The check-out line was at the end of another marathon session of arrows. Through dishes and glasses and placemats and candles and rugs and picture frames and plants. Plants? Yes, plants.

Along the way I, well, ended up with a few other items in my cart. For a total of $40.57. But I wasn’t happy about that shopping. No, sir! I may have some new placemats and some very cute juice glasses, but I suffered. A lot.

9 thoughts on “Been there, done that”

  1. Funny, it’s the same thing with IKEA over here. Well, it isn’t THAT bad, just Saturdays. Visiting IKEA on a Saturday has never been a good idea and the chances are pretty high it will wreck the rest of your day…

  2. Oh my! I have always been sad about the lack of two stores in my area: Ikea and Trader Joe’s. You have cured me of my longing for Ikea. I would still do many untold things to get a Trader Joe’s closer to home (the closest is a 5-hour drive to Santa Fe, and really once I’m in Santa Fe, I’m not caring too much about gourmet foods) or at the very least get them to sell some of their goods online!

    I love the placemats though!

  3. Hahaha. I simply love your description of your Ikea shopping trip. It’s not usually that bad at the one I’ve been to in Virginia, but I’ve actually been to the one in Canton (was drug there the weekend it opened). I swear it was so crowded that I felt the floor moving from all of the weight.

  4. I too just had my first IKEA experience and I too will never return! Hated it! Yes I spent $60 on random treasures but there ain’t nothin’ that will bring me back there and I went on a Wednesday. The only shoppers were moms, retirees and kitchen designers.

  5. Eeeek. I love Ikea! I’ve had Ikea experiences similar to this, but I have learned to visit on a weekday evening, and to choose the branch (we have a few within do-able distance) that has proven least busy. I need to be able to sit, and open&shut, and plump, and feel..:-)

  6. Eeeek. I love Ikea! I’ve had Ikea experiences similar to this, but I have learned to visit on a weekday evening, and to choose the branch (we have a few within do-able distance) that has proven least busy. I need to be able to sit, and open&shut, and plump, and feel..:-)

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